I cannot believe Penelope June is two and half months old
and we've passed her due date! I’m
far overdue in writing down her birth story, but life has been a wild ride and
I think I needed some time and distance to fully process that day in order to
write about it. Sometimes we still look at her and cannot believe all that has
happened. There were several ironic instances leading up to her birth that
should have clued me in to the fact that things might not go according to plan,
or at least make me stop and think, but it wasn't until after she was
here that they all came back to mind. Three of which happened a mere 72 hours
before Penny made her entrance.
Friday, February 7th was our last ultrasound
appointment. Blake and I were super pumped to get a glimpse of our girl in 4-D.
Due to our two previous miscarriages, we were spoiled with bi-weekly
ultrasounds for the first 10 weeks or so. We hadn't had one since our anatomy
scan at 20 weeks, so we were anxious to see her again. Plus, 4-D ultrasounds
are just amazing! Our appointment was normal, and everything was as it should
be. CUE ironic happening number one: My doctor did comment that Penelope was
head-down and low, so to not to be surprised if she came a week early –
especially since she had been measuring a week ahead. (No, her due date wasn't
incorrect. We were seeing an infertility specialist due to the miscarriages. It
took a little of the romance out of the conception, but we knew exactly what 3
days it could have been.) She also told us to except a 7-8lb baby because they
were estimating her at 4lbs and 4 oz at 31 weeks, 3 days.
CUE ironic happening number two: Later that afternoon, I went to Target to grab
some baby stuff since we had a better idea how big she was going to be. I knew
I needed to stock up on 0-3 month clothes because chances were she wouldn't be
in the newborn clothes my sister had sent me very long. Armed with the
spreadsheet I had compiled with what we needed, I was loading my cart with
clothes, onesies, little baby towels and washcloths, changing pad covers,
pack-n-play sheets, etc., when a
youngish guy approached me. He couldn't have been more than 20 and was shopping
with women who appeared to be his mother and aunt. You could tell the poor guy was
desperate – he explained that his baby had arrived early and at just 5lbs he
needed to find preemie clothes to bring his daughter home from the hospital in.
He asked me if I knew what other stores might carry preemie clothes. I offered
some suggestions and then he was on his way. An employee who was stocking the
shelves and had showed him what they had in the store and I started talking about the size of her babies and that the doctor had just told me
to expect to deliver a larger than normal baby – after all, they thought my
baby wasn't that much smaller than 5lbs and she still had 8 weeks to bake! We joked
that she didn't and that we maybe wouldn't even need newborn-sized clothes.
Saturday late afternoon we headed to the Fashion Mall to
pick up the glider I had ordered from West Elm. Getting it home was a huge
ordeal! It was originally over budget, but they ran a sale and I was able to
get another 10% off. In an effort to
save even more money, I elected to pick it up at the store. Unfortunately, it
wouldn't fit in our car (in or out of the box) so we ended up renting a U-Haul to get it home. As we were bumping along, trying to avoid the numerous
potholes, I jokingly said, “These potholes are going to put me into labor!” BIG
MISTAKE. CUE ironic happening three: when I gently slid out of the truck when
we got home, I felt a few dribbles and I said to Blake as I ran for the garage
that I needed to use the restroom.
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| The chair and one tired Mom! |
After we return the truck, the rest of the evening was pretty normal, except that I noticed I had, what I thought, was
more discharge than normal and had to change my panty liner several times
before bed. At 2am I woke up having to
use the restroom. As soon as I stood up, I felt a gush of fluid. I thought I
had lost some bladder control, or that I didn't realize how badly I needed to
go to the bathroom because of how deeply I was sleeping. I went to the bathroom
and changed my underwear and pj pants and went back to bed. At 5:15am the
same thing happened again. This time the gush gave me pause. After cleaning up and
changing AGAIN, I climbed into bed and started searching on my phone how to
tell if your water broke. I was having a hilarious internal dialogue the entire time. Before this, everything I had read said the chances of your water breaking were slim. The reputable websites I was visiting said
things like if the leaking happens when you are lying down, it’s your water, but
if the leaking happens when you stand you are probably experiencing a lack of bladder control
because usually when you stand, the baby’s head will block the cervix and the
leaking. They even described the sweet scent amniotic fluid has, so of course I
had to sniff my soiled clothes multiple times. There was no odor and the fluid was completely
clear, things that didn't jive with what I was reading. I thought maybe all the water I drank after
our chair adventure had so diluted my urine causing it to not smell like anything. I grappled for 45 minutes convincing myself I
had the luck of peeing myself TWICE in one night. At least I didn't pee the bed
I told myself. Then the very minor cramping and back pain started. I can’t
remember if I woke Blake up or if my stirring woke him up. Now, it was around
6am and I explained everything to him and how I didn't want to be the crazy
pregnant lady who calls the doctor and it turns out she just peed herself. He
convinced me to call. I did, explained everything to the on-call doctor and she
told me to come in immediately. We got up, brushed our teeth, and changed our
clothes, but I didn't even pack a bag. I
was sitting down on our closet floor tying my shoes when I felt another gush
which required me to change my pants for the third time that morning, and I had
a sinking feeling that this was very very bad. I told Blake and he grabbed some
towels for me to sit on in the car. Of course the night before we had gotten
another snow storm, the roads hadn't been plowed yet and there was a lot of
drifting. We slowly drove the 10 miles to the hospital.
**Ladies, call your doctor! Don't be like me! Also, maybe don't ride in U-Hauls while pregnant. :) **
We hadn't been to the hospital before (our birthing class
and hospital tour were still 4 weeks away) so I had to ask the front desk how to get to the maternity ward. The nurses were waiting for me and
quickly ushered us to my room. I hastily changed and explained everything again
to the nurse. She checked my pad and then quickly left. The on-call doctor and
nurse came back in and did a visual exam. She confirmed that my water had
ruptured, and that they would be calling an ambulance to transfer us to a hospital
that had a NICU. Our baby was coming, but they were going to do everything they
could to stop it or at least prolong it two weeks. Apparently, two weeks is the magic window –
enough time for baby to grow a little more but about the breaking point where
fear of infection sets in. They said my fluid was beautiful, free of odor and completely
clear – and what was a good thing. The
doctor left to make the call and several other nurses came in the
room. They were so fast! I think at one point I had 5 ladies working on me,
starting fluids, giving me a steroid shot in the heinie for Penelope’s lung
development, starting the magnesium that should slow or stop labor, strapping monitors
to me, taking down my information. It was pretty serious business and I could
tell I was a top priority – my main nurse even had to call another nurse to help
catch a baby while she stayed with me. Everything was happening so fast; it was
a little easier to contain our freak-out. We talked about what do with the dog,
when to tell our parents, etc. The nurses and doctor were amazing at keeping
the atmosphere calm, and I think that helped tremendously.
The ambulance crew arrived a short time later with a
neonatal nurse with them to monitor Penelope on the drive. They quickly
switched over my equipment to theirs and we were off. There was something wrong
with their pump so fluids would have to be delivered the old-fashioned way, by
gravity. Trying to keep things light, especially
since Blake couldn't ride with me, I jokingly asked if I got the full deal –
lights and everything. I didn't – boo. We again talked about all the awful
potholes. On the ride, I noticed the arm with the magnesium in it started
aching and was getting puffy. I showed the nurse and she said they would fix it
as soon as we arrived. Blake ran home on
the way to feed and let the dog out and he arrived at St. Vincent’s Women’s
Hospital shortly after I did around 10:30am.
Again, once I arrived there were several nurses doing their
thing in a flurry of activity and taking down my information. They put me in
the high-risk unit. They changed out my magnesium
IV, but at this point my mild cramps were back again. St. Vincent’s is a
teaching hospital, so my resident/fellow doctor (I’m not sure what she was) came to see me. As soon as I saw her face, I felt I was in great
hands. She was absolutely stunning and had such a confident and calming
presence. It’s so strange, but she felt like a girlfriend. If I couldn't have
my doctor or my hospital, I was so so happy to have her. She checked me, told me I was about 2cm dilated,
and shared the statistics: 50% of women whose water erupts go
into labor within two days, 25% make it a week, and 25% make it to the goal of
two weeks. Either way, I would be living in this little room until Penelope
came. I would be on bed rest and may or may not be able to get up to use the
restroom or take a shower. It wasn't looking so good. Now it was just a waiting
game. Plus the hospital was on lock-down because of the terrible local flu conditions. The only people who would be able to come see me were Blake and our parents. We
settled in, trying to rest, and started contacting our family and friends to
let them know what was happening. I did have a few melt-downs, but I knew how
important it was for me to stay as clam as possible. Penelope’s strong and
steady heartbeat kept me focused.
I was fine and nothing was happening, so I sent Blake to
find the cafeteria so he could at least get something to drink. The poor guy
hadn't eaten or drank anything all day and it was around 2:30 by then. In the 20 minutes or so he was gone; I went from feeling completely normal,
to being in the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. It wasn't like how I
read labor contractions were going to be. There was no pain wrapping
around from my back – it was low and behind my pelvic bone with no break. It was
like my insides were being ripped apart. It was so reminiscent of my miscarriage
pains (only 1000 times worse) that panic set in a little. As I was writhing in the bed, trying to find
some comfort, I mustered enough energy and breath to push the call button, just
as Blake walked in, to ask for some pain meds. Doc and a nurse came in,
checked me, and said, “You’re at 6 and I see a baby head full of dark hair! She’s
coming today. Do you want an epidural?”
Side note on the epidural – no judging or mean comments
allowed here. A couple weeks prior, I
had read
this on Emily Henderson’s blog and it resonated with me so much. I knew that when
the time came, I needed to be true to myself and do the best I could. This was not how things were supposed to
happen – it was too soon, WAY too soon, 8 weeks too soon, 2 months too soon,
20% too soon. I hadn't had my birthing
class yet, I didn't know how to breathe, and I didn't know how to push. I wasn't
ready. Our house wasn't ready. Instead of talking with Blake about who she
would look like, we were talking about her brain and her lungs – hoping and
praying with everything inside of us that they would be working and developed
enough. We were waiting for the head of the NICU to come talk to us, to tell us
what to expect. It was taking all I had
in me to not be a weeping, blabbering puddle on the floor. I was already going
through so much and there would be the same reward at the end – a baby, in what
condition we didn't know and wouldn't know until she came. I needed relief from
a stressor. So, I got the epidural and I have no regrets. It took pretty much
my last ounce of energy to sit still long enough for the anesthesiologist to
administer it.
By 3:20 I had my epidural and was in the birthing room. By 4:40pm I was at 10cm. Around 5:30pm, my
contractions petered out and I couldn't feel any pressure. For some reason they
could never pick them up on the monitor. They called the anesthesiologist back in to adjust
the meds and started me on Pitocin. Within 5 minutes, I was back in terrible
pain. Doc took one look at me and said, “Well, she isn't any use in this
state!” and brought the anesthesiologist back in. He was pretty amazing. He asked me a series of questions, not even
looking at me, but looking at the monitors, made a few tweaks and I was good to
go. I felt the pressure I needed to push, but I could also focus and not be in
so much pain. It took me an hour to figure
out how to push with the help of my amazing nurse and doctor, but once I got it
down, they pushed me to the OR to
deliver. I delivered there because the
room was connected to the NICU OR where a team of doctors would be waiting for
Penelope to arrive. A NICU nurse was even in the room with my team the entire
time, waiting for the hand-off. After 3 sets of pushes, she was out. We heard a
beautiful scream! I remember asking if
that was a good thing – that her lungs worked because she could scream. In the hand-off I saw her little tiny head
full of hair. While they were sewing me up, the baby nurse brought her back in
for us to kiss and see for a few seconds – a VERY good sign that she was going
to be ok.
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| My first time holding Penelope. |
Penelope June was born on Sunday, February 9, 2014, at
6:40pm. She weighed in at 3lbs and 14oz and was 17 and 3/4 inches long.
They took me back to the birthing room where I had to stay
for two hours before I could see our baby again and be taken to my new
room. My brother-in-law and
sister-in-law came to the hospital as soon as I went into labor, even though I
couldn't see them. Blake went down to the lobby to visit with them and share
some pictures while I texted more with my mom, sister, and friends. I kept asking my nurse for updates on
Penelope, but all she would say was, “No news was good news.”
When we finally got to see Penelope again, it was a little
scary and not something I was totally prepared for. It officially started her 3
week and 2 day stay at the NICU; an equally trying and amazing time. Penelope surprised
them and us every day.
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| Our first family photo. |
We still don’t know
why my water broke. Neither I nor Penelope had an infection (the leading cause
of pre-term labor). My placenta was sent off to Pathology to study, but that was
fine as well. Would they have been able to stop labor if I had called earlier,
if the magnesium didn't pool in my arm in the ambulance? We’ll never know, and
I can’t spend time thinking about that because it’ll drive me crazy. We really
cannot say enough good things about the care both Penelope and I received at
Hendricks Regional and St. Vincent’s Women’s Hospital. We are so very blessed and grateful for how
things turned out.
You are getting so big! It was been a joy to watch you grow.
We love you so much! It has been wonderful getting to know you and your cues
better. This month has really flown by.
We were so excited to finally reach your due date! 
Diet: You are
eating about 3 ounces every 3 hours. We were still on the NICU schedule, but
your pediatrician said that I no longer have to fortify my breast milk and from
now on, you get to call the shots on when you eat! We are still working on breastfeeding, but you
are getting much better and have a stronger suck.
